Tag: resentment

Unhealthy Comparisons (Part 1)


I shared in a previous article that unfulfilled expectations and unhealthy comparisons can result in resentment and bitterness in many areas of life. I encourage people to change their expectations and focus on the positive qualities in other people. The same is true when it comes to unhealthy comparisons.

For example it is easy to make comparisons when you play golf. Typically four players are grouped together at the pro shop or on the first tee. Your golf partners may be friends and people you know or you may be paired up with total strangers.
Some of your fellow players may be better golfers than you are and some will probably not be as good as you are. As your group hits their shots off the first tee box it is easy to compare their skill level. Some may look like experienced golfers while others may look like they are new to the game.

It is easy to become frustrated and intimidated when you play with golfers who are better than you. When you compare your score with the other players it can reduce your confidence and result in a frustrating day on the golf course. It can also be frustrating to golf with players that are not as good as you. You may grow impatient when they lose a ball in the bushes and slow the pace of the game.

The same can be true with fishing. If you expect to catch a lot of fish you may be disappointed and frustrated when you don’t. In addition, if you compare the size and number of fish that you catch with those caught by your fellow fishermen, you may be very disappointed. It is likely that someone else will catch more fish and bigger fish than you do. If you get caught up in comparing your fish with theirs you will likely be disappointed.

Unhealthy comparisons can sow seeds of frustration and bitterness in many areas like marriage, work and recreation. Husbands should not compare their wife with other women. Wives should not compare their husband with other men. Inevitably it will sow seeds of disillusionment and bitterness.

There is a story in the Bible about a father named Jacob who compared his children with each other. Division and resentment developed among his twelve sons because Jacob showed favoritism to his son Joseph over the other eleven sons. This resulted in deep resentment and bitterness among the brothers toward Joseph. You can read the details in Genesis chapters 39-50.

Let me encourage you to not get caught up comparing yourself or your spouse with other people. Don’t compare your children with the other kids in your family. And, don’t compare your children with other kids in their classroom or soccer team. Focus on their positive qualities not on their imperfections. Look for ways to encourage them and express your love and appreciation for them often. You will be glad you did and they will too.

For more stories and articles (one for every day of the year) by the author in his book Let Me Encourage You you can order a copy at markh@efreedb.org. The price is only $20 per copy plus postage ($5).

Unfulfilled Expectations (Part 2)


In my previous article I shared how unfulfilled expectations can result in frustration. That is true when you are playing a round of golf. If you expect to play well and get a good score, you may find yourself discouraged and disappointed by the end of the day. Your score may be a lot worse than you expected!
 
I believe there are many married couples who are disillusioned after years of marriage. They started married life filled with hopes and dreams. But as the years passed they found themselves frustrated and disappointed. Their married life has not turned out the way they expected it would.
 
There is a powerful song in the musical Les Miserables where a woman expressed her heartache about the way her life has turned out.
It is titled – “I Dreamed a Dream”. Some of the lyrics are:
 
“I dreamed a dream in days gone by, when hope was high and life worth living – I dreamed that love would never die, I dreamed that God would be forgiving. Then it all went wrong”
 
Those words may express how you feel about your marriage. But I want to urge you to not give up hope and don’t give up trying. God loves to repair relationships and restore marriages.
 
One of the things that can undermine a marriage is unfulfilled expectations. Spouses can become bitter and resentful when their hopes and dreams are not met. One of the best things you can do is change your expectations. Don’t wait for the other person to change – look for ways you can change your expectations with God’s help.
 
Years ago we met a wonderful couple during my summer internship in El Centro, California. The husband was a cattle rancher. He rarely got home on time for dinner. His wife was frustrated. Dinner was ready and the kids were hungry. But she decided to change her attitude and not expect him to be home for dinner. She realized that cattle, fences and water pumps may need immediate attention. She decided to just feed the kids when dinner was ready and warm up dinner for her husband later when he got home. She changed her expectations and it reduced the level of stress on their relationship. Let me encourage you to change your attitude and your actions. Change your expectations. Ask God to change your heart. Be willing to forgive others that you feel have hurt you (Ephesians 4:31-32). You will be glad you did and they will too.  

Read 365 more articles and stories (one for every day of the year) by the author in his book Let Me Encourage You by Mark Hopper. Order your copy today at markh@efreedb.org. The price is only $25 per copy plus postage ($5).